Chevy Van

In 1975, worlds behind us, a little-known singer named Sammy Johns released "Chevy Van," an anthem for the carefree, laid-back, free-loving times we were just waking up from. "I gave a girl a ride in my wagon.......Like a picture she was laying there/Moonlight dancing off her hair/She woke up and took me by the hand/We made love in my Chevy Van, and that's alright by me."

Sad to say, the world is a slightly darker place now, Mr. Johns. Young girls don't hitchhike anymore. That Chevy you wrote about, its parent company has come on really, really hard times. That little move you made while she was sleeping might have life-altering reprecussions. And people don't find each other quite so freely. I hate to be an agent of gloom, but here is how an updated, slightly more realistic version of that song lyric might read:

Chevy Van, 2008 Version

I am alone
In the still of the night
Looking for answers
Looking for light

Moon through the windshield
Is hardly enough
Twists through my cornea
The wheel now feels rough

She was once here
With her smile and her touch
She’s taken the flame
The brake and the clutch

As I speed home in silence
In this metal morass
Who in hell listens
When the crash comes to pass